Dear Agent:
What twelve-year-old Andrew
“Tinker” Beals hates the most about being homeless, besides the obvious, is the
stereotypes. His mother is neither a
drunk nor a drug addict and he has never stood on the corner with a cardboard
sign begging for money.
After a violent incident at the
homeless camp, where Tinker defends himself, he and his best friend Colleen flee
with their families. They stumble upon an
abandoned amusement park, Wonderland Acres.
Once a thriving theme park, all that remained is an old roller coaster
track and a few broken down rides.
Tinker’s mother is distraught over not being able to provide for her
son. She’s never ridden a roller coaster
and her son may never have the opportunity to either due to her life decisions.
Tinker sets his sights on
repairing the old roller coaster in order to grant his mother’s life-long dream
of riding one. However, when other
families move into Wonderland Acres, it attracts the police, who arrive and begin
the eviction process, Tinker has two weeks to make the roller coaster
operational before the city evicts them and he loses his opportunity to
granting his mother’s wish.
WONDERLAND ACRES is a contemporary
middle grade novel completed at 41,000 words.
Hi Rick, your MG novel sounds really interesting. Right away, I want to know what the "violent incident" was. I'm wondering, though, is fixing the rollercoaster Tinker's main goal throughout the novel? What about finding a home? If Tinker and his mother resolve their problem of being homeless, I think you should reference that toward the end of your query. You might add something like, "And will Tinker and his mother end up back on the streets?" Just my two cents... Good luck!
ReplyDeleteHi Rick. I agree with Jenna - this does sound interesting, but it leaves me curious about a few things. Echoing Jenna again, I think we need a little more detail about the violent incident. I'm also curious whether there might be some more serious stakes involved other than not granting her wish.
ReplyDeleteIf Tinker has a gift for fixing things or figuring out mechanisms, etc. then it might help to add that to your first paragraph.
I also see one proofreading issue - in the 2nd paragraph, 3rd sentence you say "all that remained" but I think you mean to say "all that remains".
Good luck!
It may just be me, but the first paragraph isn't as strong as I think it could be. The obvious parts are what make being homeless bad (no food, cold, violence, ect), the stereotypes are just the worst parts of humanity dumped on top. You might switch up the emphasis and make the bad things about being homeless the higher stakes, rather than what others might think. Maybe Andrew doesn't care that others think his mother is a druggy, he knows its not true. And totally, like the others said, up the stakes in this. Tell us the worst thing that'll happen if he doesn't get it all straightened out.
ReplyDeleteRick --
ReplyDeleteI'll agree that the first paragraph isn't as strong as it could be. You talk about everything that Tinker's mother isn't -- instead, why not touch on what actually happened to leave them homeless, and what the reality of that looks like?
I agree, more details about the incident would be good -- specifically, to what degree does Tinker have to defend himself? Does he kill someone? Something that would attract police attention? I'm wondering how severe it is, since you mention the police in paragraph 3.
I also think that all of the commentary about his mother being able to provide the opportunity to ride a roller coaster is superflous. Again, this ties into what I said in paragraph 1, about touching on the specifics that left them homeless.
Paragraph 3 is quite good! I'll trust that you've researched the specifics on squatter's laws and the like, since it sounds a bit dubious to me -- I'd think that the police would escort them right off. Still, I like the idea of a two-week challenge, pitting Tinker against the clock.
I hope this all doesn't sound too critical -- I absolutely LOVE the premise here, and think it'd be an interesting sell. I look forward to seeing "Wonderland Acres" on the bookstore shelves.
ZJP.
I see you make Team Sun in Sun vs Snow, congratulations! I made Team Snow. Good luck!
ReplyDelete